Most Roads Lead to One Spot

During my third year in college, I was stuck as I questioning my choice of learning design. I had a deep sense of dread and hopelessness that I couldn't understand. It started during the beginning of the semester - in Michael Scott's (from the TV series The Office) words, "I am not superstitious, but I am a little-stitious." During the beginning of June 2018, to begin my third year, I was waiting to board the bus from Chennai to Coimbatore. I started getting a mild headache before boarding, for no reason. It stayed for a few hours after boarding the bus, and suddenly a thought came to my head "Oops this semester isn't starting on a good note, I don't think the rest of it would be any better." And boom, the rest of the semester wasn't any better. But I don't blame it on the headache, it was a result of the choices I made during that semester.

Apart from countless conversations with friends and parents, I managed to find one book that had something I was looking for. Or, that book somehow found me. It was The Secret by Rhonda Byrne. The book gave me an interesting insight called "The Law of Attraction." It was about how one receives exactly what they think about. It reminded me of another book I had read when I was much younger, The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho. There was a line that went

And, when you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it

I was quite naive back then to understand what it meant and its significance.

But the message didn't drive deep into my head quite clearly yet. My idiot former self was still irresponsible about mental health hygiene. I ended up struggling for one and a half years, until I came back home after college in November 2019. While the beginning period of time wasn't any better, I convinced myself to start reading more self-help books and sort my mind out.

Apart from that, I tried to develop and stick to an exercise routine that I followed for most of this year. The exercises were based on bodyweight training, that lets you exert load on your muscles using the weight of your own body. It made me realize how little I was aware of my own body, how it moved and worked. The two most important things I was asked to keep in mind while exercising were - "steadily exhale and inhale" and "smile when you workout." Both helped me stay focused on the task at hand.

Coming to self help books, there were two that helped me the most

Image Credits FightMediocrity on YouTube

Although the book dived into Christian theology and symbolic meaning of Biblical stories that I barely understood, the "rules" in the book made sense. My introduction to Jordan Peterson was through viral YouTube videos along the lines of "Psychologist owns a SJW" (Social Justice Warrior). I was captivated with his articulation and critical breakdown of the subject at hand. Soon I discovered more videos of his lectures at colleges uploaded on YouTube. Then landed on this book. The 12 rules mentioned in the book are -

1. "Stand up straight with your shoulders back"

2. "Treat yourself like you are someone you are responsible for helping"

3. "Make friends with people who want the best for you"

4. "Compare yourself with who you were yesterday, not with who someone else is today"

5. "Do not let your children do anything that makes you dislike them"

6. "Set your house in perfect order before you criticize the world"

7. "Pursue what is meaningful (not what is expedient)"

8. "Tell the truth — or, at least, don’t lie"

9. "Assume that the person you are listening to might know something you don’t"

10. "Be precise in your speech"

11. "Do not bother children when they are skate-boarding"

12. "Pet a cat when you encounter one on the street"

The book only managed to get to a "thumb-rules" level of advice. By thumb rule, I mean they're a list of guidelines or laws that does explain the subject at hand. There is deeper sense of structure beneath them. A "first principles" level, which I wanted to know about. Although, it gave me a lot of important insights about why I behaved in certain ways previously.

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Image Credits Great Performers Academy

The Power of Now, written by Eckhart Tolle was entirely from his perspective of how he had lived his life. This was gifted by my brother during a tough time in college, but I didn't pay much attention to this book until I came back home. Eckhart was able to understand the root cause of his suffering and realized it was similar for most people around him. The book speaks on how the mind prefers to take one out of the present moment and brood on the past, or worry about the future. And the solution was ingenious - simply remind oneself to come back to the present moment - staying in The Now. Staying in the present meant to deny any attention to the past or future, and engage all senses to take in everything happening in the physical world around. I'd like to stress on physical world because we often mistake what comes through our screens as our immediate reality. I can tell from a few disjointed moments of staying in The Now that it was pure bliss. It felt like meditation without having to close my eyes and stay in one spot. That was all I needed, to appreciate the present moment meant I would be in a better mental and emotional state most of the time. Bad days do happen, and the book did explain on dealing with those emotions too. I was convinced this book worked on a first principles level.

Most other self-help books missed out on that. Almost all of them spoke about guides, tips, ideas and methods. It is quite common to see this phenomenon in other fields too, there is very little knowledge that dives to the level of first principle values. In my opinion, this is the true "secret" that everyone deserves to know.

Armed with this knowledge, I am now a wiser man (hopefully). I am reminding myself that I cannot afford to repeat the same mistakes from the past, for only then will I do new stupid stuff and learn something.

Skandha

P.S. This is entirely from my point of view. If you aren't feeling good, get professional help.